tears of sorrow and joy.

You know in our world it is so easy to get wound up in the little things. Not that little things aren't important. they are. but many times I find myself so frustrated about things I cannot control that I lose sight of the things I can do. I hear my friends complaining about the injustice and it is easy to get myself spinning. I've always thought I had broad shoulders not only in my physical shape but in what I can carry around. Last spring I had a classroom that did not work, I felt myself questioning my ability as a teacher, I wasn't real sure my mind was even in tact. I was getting physically ill. The things I knew would work wouldn't work. The student I had learning weren't learning. I was pushing a bolder up a steep incline will no help in sight. Even when I did get help I felt like I had let down my babies. Another special ed teacher took 1/2 of my class and of course I kept the worse part of the group. I was still failing (in my eyes) I wasn't reaching the children. I agreement I made with myself 40 years ago was that if I couldn't make a difference I would do something different. So I investigated other options. Peace Core. There are many religious group that sponsor aide workers. I applied to a couple but none seem to be right. Mid May I walked most of the night just out of town to nowhere in particular. When I was a child I walked when I was angry. I wasn't angry I was just at a loss. I talked to myself, I talked to God. I talked to my ancestors. My father, My aunt, I didn't really know where I was emotionally I just knew it wasn't right and that I wasn't good. My body was exhaused, My mind was exhaused. I curled up in a ditch and listened to the birds of dawn. I recounted the events that brought to where I was professional life. There was no question that when I turn toward special education doors opened and many cheer leaders helped me along the way. I walked slowly home showered and dressed for the day. I was resolved to give myself one more year. before moving to honduras to teach mountian people how to raise chickens. Did you know that Hondurans/Mexicans say that a baby chick makes the sound peee uuuuuu. pee uuuu. lol

Well thank goodness I did because I have a wonderful wonderful classroom this year. 7 or my 8 students I had last year. The new one is so excited about learning that I hear What next Mr. Karr all day. I'm teaching science to a mixed group of special and regular educaiton students. What fun we are having. Whose working I'm having a party. My summer school darlings are all over the school so I get Hey Mr. Karr's everywhere. I'm still hoping to get a inclusion teaching job next year. but what I have is fine. I wore my college class ring to school and the girls said I was "blinging" I think that is wearing shining jewelry. What fun.

Who knows by tomorrow I may have 6 students move into my room that makes my world crazy. But I think I can take it.
When you teach with your heart you open yourself up to sorrow. but OH my what joy.

So as long as my class is this sweet don't be surprized to see me dancing in the hall or for that matter dancing in the streets.
no no no banana dances.