Angels on Earth.

When I was a boy, I talked to Angels all the time. I had regular conversations with God. Even the most loved children feel alone sometimes. They may have said I talked to myself or to imaginary friends. But I knew who they were and they help me find joy in the day to day world that I lived in. At the age of 3 both of my grandfathers died 1 week apart. I witnessed my maternal grandfather die of a heart attack while I was visting at his home. So I talked to my grandfathers. I talked to My grandfather Karr much more often because he was a better listener when he was alive.

I first saw the love that the mother animals showed their young and associated that with God love. Don't get me wrong I felt loved at home. but it was a complicated live.

When I became a teenager was the first time I realized how wonderful it was that Angels walked on Earth. My aunt Alice listened to my stories and shared her experiences with love and laughter. The saints welcomed Alice home more that 15 years ago.

I met Judy when she was young but only as a sister of a friend. Then she student taught at Webster School. What a gift she was to children. Bart Simpson was a rude cartoon boy who was rude to everyone in his world. Just took that cartoon boy and gave him friendly peace building phrases. fThat is what she did for her students.

Judy was another Angel on Earth. We would get so silly together and she brought out the best in me. From Cat in the Hat costumes to getting me to sing camp songs for the whole class.

Just a few months ago I was critizing a fellow educator and Judy said "Dean she not so bad. She has a gift, we just need to help her use right. give her a chance. Yes wonderful hearted Judy was again taking the rude words and giving me peace building words to use instead

Good to Know

My friend Carol is a Nature Educator who works for the State Park near Clinton. She took on the challenge of coming into my classroom twice a month to talk about the wonders of nature. Last year she had prescribed topics and was unsure if she was giving the kids what they needed. She decided this year she would let the students questions drive the curriculum. Carol is my age and her daughter and Joel grew up together. Carol has almost as many stories as I have and the students hang on her every word. well sort of. Every statement she makes elicits another questions. I sit across the room and take notes. Most of the time my notes look like a spider web. Let me give you an example: Carol brought in a snake skelaton, Kids:Wow lots of bones. Carol: those are ribs; Kyle: does it have fangs. Carol: yes Kyle: It is true they can squeeze you to death, Carol: not this one, it is a viper and only 8 inches long. Pete: can you milk it? Carol: if you wanted to harvest the vinom; (at this point I thought we were doing pretty well. then. David says Did you see that snake that ate an aligator then burst. Carol: yes It.... Mike: aligators don't get eaten by stakes. Carol: well not usually David: it ate it I saw it. Pete: was it a cartoon. Mike. An aligator didn't kill the crocodile hunter. Carol said no. David says A sting ray stupid guy shouldn't have been in the water. Pete: he ran out of aligators. Amy: the stingray stabbed him in the heart. Mary: did it happen in February maybe it was cupid. (from another class I would have thought Mary was being rude. She was serious. Mike: said that sting ray was poisen. Carol said the sting ray's poison didn't kill the Croc hunter. Now she got the students attention. She explained Croc guy died when he pulled the stinger out of his Heart. He bled to death. Ohhhhhhhh the class all picked up the pencils and started writing. Carol said you are writing this down? Mike said This is good to know Carol if I ever go swimming. David said I'm not swimming in Clinton Lake anymore. Mary said I wrote down "If you get stuck in the heart don't pull it out.
I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.


Carol also brought in an opossom stuffed grasping a limb. David why isn't it hanging by it's tail. Carol said my number one rule is don't learn nature from cartoons. Mary what is wrong with his ears. Carol said they get frost bite in the cold winters. Mike Are they egg suckers. Carol said they can be. Mary his ears are ugly. David: I saw an elephant hang upside down. Carol: cartoon rule. At this point Jay is curled up on the floor. Pete says: how many lives does an opossom have. Carol said "one" Pete: I saw one die before and then when we went back he was gone. Mary said his body went to heaven. Mike said a cayote ate it. Carol said they faint when they are scared but they aren't dead. David yeah when they sneak through the hedge they scare people so other animals can take their food. Carol: cartoon rule. Carol said that the opossom can't control their fainting. When they get scared they faint. Mary is writing. How do you spell roller coaster. Carol why. Mary says I'm writing "Don't take opossoms on a roller coaster and buy them some earrings so their ears won't be so ugly.

I'm leaving the room with tears running down my face. Does Mary not notice that the opossom has to be one of the ugliest animals I've ever seen.

My test after Carol leaves is an essay. Write what you learned.

Here is what I get.

Dead snakes don't have legs.

They have thumbs

Carol doesn't like cartoons

When possoms die they come back to life.

when possoms have babies she keeps them in her coat. but she doesn't have a zipper.

snakes can eat animals that are 5 Xs bigger than they are but not aligators.

snakes teeth point in so their food can run down to their stomachs.

possoms have ugly ears

Here turkey, turkey, turkey,

Poor little hybred turkeys don't even have a running chance. Too fat to fly, and not bright enought to hide in the windowless world they live in bill cut, toes cut to keep them from harming each other.

We didn't raise many turkeys, we had a few from time to time. Our farm was more of a zoo. Dad love to have a few of many different animals. A few sheep, a pig or two,a rabbit, guinia, a goat, He didn't require his livestock to be useful. As a child I was determined to tame them all. And I think I did a pretty good job.

Dad would buy 200 or so baby chicks in the spring. In the fall we would butcher the roosters and keep the hens for eggs. Dad would always leave a few roosters "to keep the hens happy" Chicken's when they sleep are clueless to the world. They like to be on a roost, but you could reach up and grab any one of them as they sleep. My feelings were if we had to eat the creatures we should at least give them a running chance. And I did. On butchering day the younger kids me included would run ourselves around in circles catching chickens with nothing more than a 6 gage wire with a hook at the end. The roosters would squalk like crazy. If you grabbed their heads and put them under their wings and gave then an around the world spin. They would be confused and sit calmly until their time came. I would ask the chicken forgiveness before putting a stick over they necks and yanking on their legs with everything I had. The idea was to pull and throw at the same time. think of a 5 year old child doing that. I was 10 but the size of a 5 year old. It wasn't always pretty but I got the job done.

So now I buy the big fat goofy turkey perferably with a done switch, put that baby in a baking bag (thanks god for inventors) and don't even have to think about the feathers.

how can I love people and hate crowds at the same time. I don't mind hellos but hate good-byes Mostly I just know I have to live within my confort zone. I can go to a wedding and be perfectly fine and then I'm not and I leave. but most that know me know I'll go when I'm ready and don't worry about where I've gone. Other days I can enjoy the time I spend. But fortunately at my age I can fly away and not worry about it.

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays. Lets pack up and go to the families for the day. Not good for me. No way out if I'm not confortable.

We all live within our limits. I just hope people understand that it isn't something they do or don't do. It is just my world.

Speaking of Turkeys - My classroom has been intersting. New student in Oct. turned my fruit's basket upside down. I've about got in to where I can think and next month I get another new student. but the year is almost half over and I've got one more year to be skinny before my 50th birthday.

I miss making pies. I miss making bread. I didn't do either this year. I'm not a good pie maker but it is such good therapy. Making bread makes me feel like I'm connected. the problem is I like sour dough bread and you have to start and feed it for a week before you make it. dump it in a bread maker isn't the same.


Maybe I'll start some sour dough started today. My grandmother would boil potatoes smash them and add a quart glass of starter to the pan. The next morning she would dip out a quart jar of started for the next time. She would then make 13 loaves of bread.


I would dump 2 tablespoons of dry potatoes and 1/2 cup surga in and leave it over night and remove one cup in the moring to make my bread. ok so I cheated a little but I wouldn't beable to bake ina wood stove anyway.

High Waters in style

The owner of the mexican restuarant is returning home to Mexico for a visit. She hasn't been home for 12 years. Her 85 yo father is ill. She is taking her 20 yo daughter with her. Her daughter has never been to Mexico. She talked of how she wants her daughter to know how she lived as a child so that she appreciates what she has. That got me thinking.

I know that the poor today are different that the poor of my childhood. I was better off that my older siblings. Mom and dad added indoor plumbing the year I was born. She had 13 children before me to bathe in a tub placed on the kitchen floor with a blanket hung for privacy. We still had an outhouse. my sisters told me that the bathroom was for the girls and the boys went outside. I didn't care and if I found a tree before I found the outhouse they both seem to work.

Food was very basic. you know what we are trying to eat now. corn flakes, cheerios, pancakes, beef, chicken, pork. potatoes, green beans, We had our own livestock and large garden so we ate better than most. My mother would say "we don't have much but we have blenty of it. My mother did share what she had with whomever stopped by. Many a time my mother would send me to butcher a chicken so she would have something to take to the poor.

The only time I felt poor was when we got clothes. We would get whatever someone dropped by the farm. and with so many to clothe new items were rarely an option. Once a year my mother would trace our feet on brown paper bags cut them out and off to the store she would go. You would start the year off with paper in the toe of the shoe and end it with you toes sticking out. lol well most did I was a dwaf so I spent the whole year with a newspaper stuck in my shoe and my heels raw from rubbing.

I don't know why but once I did grow and inch my pant would be 3 inches too short. High waters they were called . I hated them. Mom once thought she was doing me a favor by sewing 3 inches more of jean material on the bottom to make them "right" I could not convince her that she had ruined my life. "Mom now people will know I'm poor" I'd rather wear golfer plaid pants than high waters. Mom said I didn't appreciate what I had. There were children that were world that did not have clothes. She just did not understand. I spent years with black truck straps tied from the ends of my bunk bed around my ankles and wrist trying to stretch myself. I would hand in the barn with buckets of dirt tied to my ankles. And when I finially grew now I was forced to dress like a poor child.

Yesterday I bought a pair of $50 shorts that were marked down to $5 at TJ Max. The shorts hit me right below the calf. So at 40 something it's OK to wear high waters. Have you seen the kids with the material sewn to the bottom of their jeans.


Fried egg sandwiches were my favorite for a school lunch. The youngest child would carry the lunch bucket to school. They ate first lunch. When it was my turn I would peal out my egg sandwich that and a school milk were the best. Of course on the rare occations that we talked mom into letting us buy a school lunch (we were elgible for free lunch but my mother said we weren't poor) luck would have it that they would have peanutbutter sandwiches.

I remember the junior high counselor calling me into her office because I was wearing athletic rubber soled cleats to school. She said they weren't appropriate. I told her they were what I was able to get out of the hand me down bag that someone had dropped off at the farm. She said everyone could affort a $5. pair of sneakers. I couldn't face mom to ask for money I didn't think she had so I spent the night sawing off the cleats with a steak knife.

My second trip to the counselor was because I smelled like cow *****. I milked a cow twice a day. morning and night. She told me that students were complaining that I stunk, which I'm sure I did. I didn't try to explain to her that there were still 14 people living in my home and that a bath every morning was not possible. I didn't like wearing shoes anyway but I would run to the barn bare footed then wash my feet in the horse tank on my way back to the house. And I would try to shower in the down spout off the barn when it rained. In the winter I would run to the barn bare footed get the cow in and stick my feet up on her milk bags to warm them up. and then milk and run back to the house. Then I would wash my feet in the basement sink after straining the milk.

tears of sorrow and joy.

You know in our world it is so easy to get wound up in the little things. Not that little things aren't important. they are. but many times I find myself so frustrated about things I cannot control that I lose sight of the things I can do. I hear my friends complaining about the injustice and it is easy to get myself spinning. I've always thought I had broad shoulders not only in my physical shape but in what I can carry around. Last spring I had a classroom that did not work, I felt myself questioning my ability as a teacher, I wasn't real sure my mind was even in tact. I was getting physically ill. The things I knew would work wouldn't work. The student I had learning weren't learning. I was pushing a bolder up a steep incline will no help in sight. Even when I did get help I felt like I had let down my babies. Another special ed teacher took 1/2 of my class and of course I kept the worse part of the group. I was still failing (in my eyes) I wasn't reaching the children. I agreement I made with myself 40 years ago was that if I couldn't make a difference I would do something different. So I investigated other options. Peace Core. There are many religious group that sponsor aide workers. I applied to a couple but none seem to be right. Mid May I walked most of the night just out of town to nowhere in particular. When I was a child I walked when I was angry. I wasn't angry I was just at a loss. I talked to myself, I talked to God. I talked to my ancestors. My father, My aunt, I didn't really know where I was emotionally I just knew it wasn't right and that I wasn't good. My body was exhaused, My mind was exhaused. I curled up in a ditch and listened to the birds of dawn. I recounted the events that brought to where I was professional life. There was no question that when I turn toward special education doors opened and many cheer leaders helped me along the way. I walked slowly home showered and dressed for the day. I was resolved to give myself one more year. before moving to honduras to teach mountian people how to raise chickens. Did you know that Hondurans/Mexicans say that a baby chick makes the sound peee uuuuuu. pee uuuu. lol

Well thank goodness I did because I have a wonderful wonderful classroom this year. 7 or my 8 students I had last year. The new one is so excited about learning that I hear What next Mr. Karr all day. I'm teaching science to a mixed group of special and regular educaiton students. What fun we are having. Whose working I'm having a party. My summer school darlings are all over the school so I get Hey Mr. Karr's everywhere. I'm still hoping to get a inclusion teaching job next year. but what I have is fine. I wore my college class ring to school and the girls said I was "blinging" I think that is wearing shining jewelry. What fun.

Who knows by tomorrow I may have 6 students move into my room that makes my world crazy. But I think I can take it.
When you teach with your heart you open yourself up to sorrow. but OH my what joy.

So as long as my class is this sweet don't be surprized to see me dancing in the hall or for that matter dancing in the streets.
no no no banana dances.

Morky and not Mindy

Well, Joel knew when I said I would go and "look" at the dog that I would return with it. Freeda is a 5 month old Maltise/Yorky mix. She weighs 6 pounds. coloration is that of a Yorky but the body of a Maltise. Joel's girlfriend has a Maltise (Louie) And Louie and Freeda have the same birthday. At first I wasn't sure she was going to get along with Pippen. I asked the people I got her from to give me a one week trial. She initially (for about two days) was very timid. but now she is a spunky little pooch. Freeda and Pippen are getting along wonderfully. She loves to pick a chair or laundry basket and claim it then defend it against Pippen. He walks by and gives her a growl and she yips. One morning I heard the dogs growling and barking when I was in the shower. Fearing that one might hurt the other I ran through the house wearing only what the Lord gave me. When I got to the living room. Pippen has one of his tug ropes. He would take it over to Freeda and she would grab the other end and they would circle growling. Pippen was even being careful not to pull too hard. I was cracking up. Of course Freeda loves Pippen's food and Pippen think Freeda's puppy chow is the best. I gave up trying to separate the two so I just mix both kind in both of their bowls. I still do a snake dance as I walk to two but it is getting better. Oh and of course Freeda loves Pippen's Kennel. It is her "safe" place. My niece and her two children are living in my attic efficiency apt. Ariana is 6 months. Tyler is 2 1/2. When Freeda sees Tyler she makes a beeline for the kennel. Freeda still shakes in new situations or new people but she is calming quicker. In the morning she looks more like a rabbit than a dog as she bounces around the house. and she loves that she can run around the circle through my kitchen dining room and living room. She tries to make surprize attacks on Pippen. Not that a surprize attack is difficult when Pippen is deaf.

Joel loves my How I got Pippen story. I thought I'd share in again.
Three years ago Joel was wrestling in Misouri at the University of Misouri-Columbia. I went down the night before and stayed in a Ramada. There was a fund raiser going on in the bar at the hotel so I paid the entrance fee and had a drink. I'm a sucker for a 50/50 drawing. So when they came around I put in $5.00. There was a band playing and they had munchies and Tables set up with lots of stuff. I was talking to a guy at the bar. And they kept announcing how the boy was hurt in a 4 wheeler accident and was making good progress. The boys father lost his job beacause of the care he needed to give the boy. Poor family. Well when I won the 50/50 It was a little over $100 who hoooo As I sat at the bar I thought "you know the boy needs the money more than I do." So I went over to the table an gave the money to one of the ladies. The band was playing and I couldn't understand much of what she was saying. She gave me a form that asked for my address and I signed it. Thinking maybe they were sending thank you cards. I went back to the bar and continue to chat with the dude about the problems in the world. He was a huge black guy and he said that he loved to drink with white guys because when black guys get drunk they cry in the beer about how terrible their lives are. When white guys get drunk they talk aboout the last time they were drunk. I don't know if that is true or not but he was entertaining. When I went to leave the bar a man came up to me and said "don't forget your dog" I said "dog??? I don't have a dog!" He said "The puppy you bought in the silent auction. Omg. When I explained that I didn't know I was buying a dog and I was just in town for a wrestling tourney. The dude said "I'll tell you what, the lady that donated the puppy already left. Here is her number. You can call her tomorrow and make arrangement to give the dog back if you don't want it. The guy even gave me the kennel. So I went back to my room with puppy. The next morning it was cool and I was concerned about leaving the puppy in the car while I watch wrestling. I would go out and run the car for a bit the play with the pup then go back in. One of girls with the wrestling team went out with Josh to see the puppy and brought the pup back in under her coat. The puppy went from one stat girl to another and about half way through the tourney the tournament organizer came up and asked if the puppy was mine. I thought oh lord now I'm going to get kicked out of the place. I said yes it was mine. He said well then hold on a minute I have some puppy treats in my office and asked if I needed a blanket or anything for the puppy. too too funny. When I got ready to leave for the day I couldn't find the puppy. finially I found a heavyweight black guy with the dog. I said excuse me I getting ready to leave and that is my puppy. He said man you need to sell this dog on ebay. You'd get half and I'd get half. I said "why would I give you half" and he said "cause I got the dog" So I returned with the puppy to Illinois. At the time I was living in a small efficiency apt. The puppy was perfect for me. He was always at my heels so I rarely had to call him. I didn't know he was hearing impaired until he was 8 or 9 months old when I left him with my sister for a weekend. She said your dog can't hear but he know sign language. Millie is too sweet. And she was right! I talk with my hands and pippen knows what I want. I clap my hands together which he can hear. Then I pat my stomach and he comes running. When I point he runs and hops in his chair. When I swing my hand back and forth by my thigh he knows I want him to enter the door. He is so good he won't touch a piece of food even on the floor until I give him the o.k. I'm hoping his good manners rub off on the puppy.

man in the mirror

I am so fortunate to have two awesome sons. Joel started up a T-Shirt printing business and I got him orders for our family reunion. only 30 shirts but we may get a few more orders at the reunion. So of course he was over last night (last minute) and screen printing T-shirts. His girlfriend Jen came along and we talked while he worked, oh I did help by ironing. As we talked Joel would say "you remember that story I told you" Jen said " Joel you tell so many stories I don't remember them all" I laughed and laughed. Mini-me for sure. And as Joel talked of working on becoming a teacher and they joy he had substitute teaching. I smiled. We need good teachers and I know Joel will put his whole heart into his job. We laughed and laughed about the similarities of the way we view the world. The UPS man delivered Joel's T-Shirt stuff and My Zumba tape. He said Dad you aren't gonna Zumba. I said I know but I watched the info commercial one time too many and couldn't resist. My garage is now set up with a weight bench, tread mill and exercise bike. Joel had an old TV that I mounted int he garage to Zumba to. I probably won't exercise but I did do some setting it all up and I got to clean my garage in the process.

I have been looking for a small puppy. I wasn't sure what kind but heard of a Morky which is a Maltise Yorky mix. So today I'm going to go look at the pup. I think it may keep Pippen company. Pippen does love other dogs. I babysat for my friends Yorky for two weeks and Pippen was a happy dog. So maybe just maybe I'll have a new puppy tonight.

I have been helping Hondurans and Guadamalans that are working at the cucumber plant in Maroa. The men are had workers and are living in trailers that the plant set up for them in Maroa (no gas just electricity which means not hot water or stove) They walk to and from work but don't have access to groceries or other things So I run them to Decatur. My spanglish is getting interesting. And they talk slow for the Guedo (light skinned person) They discribe each other light skinned mexicans as guedo as well. David is from Honduras and has an extremely low voice. He was speaking english to me yesterday and I had no idea what he was saying so he switched to spanish and I went OHHHHHHH. too funny. I forget who I'm talking to and speak spanish to english speaking folk. We were sitting an a crowded mexican restaurant in Decatur when a white woman slapped her toddler. They young girl let out a yell the would have curdled milk. David reached across the table and asked me what I was going to do. I said it would be ok. I just wasn't sure what to do and we tend to mind our own business. David is a big man and when the woman yanked the child out of her chair because the little girl dropped a chip on the floor. David stood up and said in his deep voice. "That baby is a gift from GOD". The woman said nothing, picked up her child and made her way to the door. The people that were with her followed her. David said he wouldn't treat a burrow like that. I understood and thought why can't we speak out more like David. Those who do for the least of my brothers do it for me.